THE 5 BIGGEST WASTES OF TIME

5. MMORPG’s: For those of you who have no idea what an MMORPG is, it is a massively multiplayer online role-playing game. In other words, a massive waste of time (MWoT). I know, I know, they are very fun and extremely addictive, I was briefly addicted myself. But with rehab and therapy, I have been able to overcome the MMORPG addiction. This is a waste of time primarily because you are living in a different world and not experiencing life. You also get fat. Many of you probably love these games, and can argue in their favor, but I don’t care. This is my list. The only exception to this rule is if you are stuck in bed for some reason and need something to do, however writing a book or learning a language is a better alternative.

(note : mmorpg’s in this case can apply to any game on the computer, xbox, playstation, or any other console. i.e. stupid facebook games.)

FarmVille...A BIG waste of time

4. Reality Television: I admit, I waste a LOT of time on reality tv. It is just so damn entertaining. Especially since ‘the bitch is back’ (The Hills). So much drama. I am also intrigued by their stupidity. It makes me feel better about myself. But yeah, waste of time, try to avoid getting sucked in at all costs.

The Hills...chalk full of douchbags and hot chicks.

3. Sleeping: Okay, another thing I do a lot. Sleep is great, I love it! BUT, it wastes a lot of time. I have recently been waking up at 8 am (compared to 12pm – hey I’m in college) and have noticed a sharp increase in my productivity. I only need between 6-8 hours to function, so any more than that is just a BIG waste of time.

awwww, sleeping kitties are cute.

2. Meetings: My God, what a waste of time meetings are. Yes they can sometimes be necessary, but most of the time things can be accomplished by email. I went to a meeting the other day and it took me 20 minutes to get there, lasted only 15 minutes, then another 20 minutes to get home. And we did NOTHING.  There goes about an hour of my life.

touche

1. Worrying: This one is a big one. The number one actually. We spend a lot of time worrying about the future, about projects, tasks, work, girls, guys etc. This time is just pure waste. It accomplishes nothing, and only serves to stress you out. So keep your mind on the present, accomplish one thing at a time, and save yourself from the big waste of time that is worrying.

this guys is realllly worried.

Think of plans as outlines. You can have one, but be prepared for your thesis to change. Be ready for someone to change your mind, or some outside force to push you in a new direction. Be prepared to throw your plan out the window and start fresh. The important parts worth remembering are the in between parts. Those parts define us, and make life interesting. Live in the moment, and you will not waste the precious time you have to live on this earth.

Every minute spent idly, is a minute less you get to live. There are so many products on the market that claim they can extend your life, or make you look younger, or make you feel younger. Those products may have some legitimacy, but are usually just a bunch of bullsh#t.

The cure to extending your life, is not some magic pill or fad diet,  the key is to not waste great chunks of it due to inactivity. We waste way too much of our time watching t.v., surfing the internet, etc. There are much better ways to spend those precious minutes.

The cure to making you look younger is not some face cream, it is to reduce stress and enjoy your life. Stress causes us to age much more rapidly. If you don’t believe me, just look at any president and compare their pictures before office, then after only a few years.

To feel younger, do what you enjoy doing. It doesn’t matter if its not normal, people carve out niches and can earn livings by doing what they love, well.

The Face Off

The quickly fading media storm involving Jon and Kate Gosselin seems to be coming to a close. Just one more issue needs to be resolved. Will Jon allow Kate to make her new show, ‘Kate plus 8′ on TLC?

Lawyers from both parties have come to an agreement. The rights to the show will be settled by a one on one thumb wrestling match. Best out of three of course.

When asked why resort to such childish dispute resolution techniques, Kate responded, “Because I have spider hands, see?” No doubt she does. Jon responded by declaring, “She can take my kids, but she’ll never take my stardom.”

I am placing my bet on spider hands. She has made Jon her ‘bitch’ for so long I don’t think he has a chance

The match is set for November 10th, 2009. The results will be posted here.

UPDATE:

Jon wins! In an unprecedented upset, Jon uses a quick 1-2 thumb punch to put down Kate’s ‘spider’ thumb. Never doubt an Asian’s reflexes.

[Photo Credits : INFphoto.com/Zimbio.com]

Gardner Receiving the 'key to the city'

NICHOLASVILLE, Kentucky — A local homeless man, Thomas Gardner, has received the ‘keys to the city’ of Nicholasville, Kentucky. Mayor Meyer has given the man the keys to the city for, “his work in sustainable practices.” Namely, collecting a massive amount of recyclable cans and bottles.

Gardner, 53, has been collecting and recycling cans and bottles for the past decade. When asked why he is such an avid recycler, Gardner responded, “Are you done with that coke?”

Point proven sir.

Mayor Meyer declared, “If more people follow this man’s example we can solve the global climate crisis.”

IN RELATED NEWS:

Local homeless man arrested for using ‘key to the city’ to gain access to the mayors residence.

The Mayor has yet to comment.

[photo from http://www.healthwatchusa.org/news.htm]

And there you have it. Newspaperisdead, is in the beginning stages of the end stage. Time to resubscribe to those newspapers…

the meteor, still 3 years away

DALLAS, Texas — Astronomers confirm that a ‘world-killer’ meteor has been spotted and is on a collision course with Earth. When they were asked what date it would collide with the earth one scientist responded, “It looks like it will strike Earth around December 21st at 11:11 PM. But that is just an estimate.”

IN RELATED NEWS — Michael Bay has been actively reassembling the cast from 1998′s ‘Armageddon’ to begin training for the sequel.

UPDATE — Bruce Willis and Liv Tyler are being replaced by Shia LeBeouf and Megan Fox. Ben Affleck is now an extra.

Cha Sa-soon (from daylife.com)

SEOUL, South Korea — A woman in South Korea who tried to pass the written exam for a driver’s license has finally succeeded on her 950th try. Her near daily attempts since 2005 have finally come to fruition by getting a 60/100 (the minimum) on the exam. She has spent over $4200 (US) to date on the application fees.

The woman, Cha Sa-soon (68), must now pass the driving portion of the exam. Which could lead to even more difficulties.

When asked why she needs the license, she reportedly said she needs it for her ‘vegetable selling business.’

This may become a case study on what happens when the perfect ‘horrible driver stereotype’ (an elderly female Asian) begins to drive. And in the meantime, I’ll be staying out of South Korea.

[AOL News]

The Culprit : electrocuted squirrel

CORVALLIS, Oregon– Squirrel found to be the culprit in a fire at a local fraternity in Corvallis, Oregon. Witnesses stated that they saw several people inside the abandoned building supposedly smoking pot. The accused fled the scene before the authorities could arrive however.

After putting out the fire an investigation into its cause took place. Much to the surprise of everyone involved the culprit turned out to be a squirrel with a well stocked den. Apparently the squirrel had stored so many nuts inside of its den, it had to expand its living quarters, and unknowingly bit into a live wire. This created a massive spark that lit the contents of the den and ejected the squirrel onto the street.

The discovery of its cache of nuts and the electrocuted body found on the sidewalk exonerated the pot-smoking vagrants from any arson charges that might have ensued.

“We could smell it.” Said one firefighter of the squirrels charred remains. “From there we found the wire, and the resulting shock that sparked the fire.”